Hamlet at Elsinore

It looked extremely rocky for the Danish folk that year,
For their king lay in his bed, with poison in his ear,
While Gertrude and King Claudius feasted on their wedding cake,
Hamlet came from Wittenberg -- it must have been Spring break.

First Hamlet met Horatio, who told him what he feared,
But Horatio also warned that things were kind of weird,
Then he met Ophelia, fair but slightly kooky,
And then he met his father, in a manner rather spooky.

Marcellus told Horatio, "Things here sure do reek,"
So Hamlet soon decided that revenge was what he'd seek,
Then Hamlet said to no one, "To be or not to be,"
And then he told Ophelia to go to a nunnery.

Hamlet found some actors, with whom he could plot,
A play was soon presented, his uncle would be caught,
But Gertrude remained clueless, for info she did lack,
But King Claudius left in a huff and asked for his money back.

Hamlet called on Gertrude, but before the queen had spoke,
'Twas curtains for Polonius, whom Hamlet quickly poked,
So Hamlet went to England, against the princes wishes,
And then that poor Ophelia, played footsies with the fishes.

But Hamlet quickly left the ship, before some pirates knew,
That Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern fell for the switch-er-roo,
Hamlet returned to Elsinore, to a sight that he did dread,
For he found Ophelia's grave, and what's left of Yorrick's head.

Laertes challenged Hamlet, the queen was quite amused,
But in the ensuing melee, some equipment was confused,
"You may have won but we're both screwed," a pale Laertes said,
"You may have got more touches, but at least I beat the spread."

"Ack! This wine is cloying!" the queen let out a sob,
Then Hamlet turned King Claudius, into a shish-ka-bob,
And then Laertes passed away, and Hamlet did as well,
Then Fortinbras came traipsing in, looked around, said "What the hell?"

Oh one time in these Danish lands, mighty rulers reigned,
When sons and daughters could be heard, without going insane,
And one time mighty princes stood upon their native soil,
But there's no joy since Hamlet shuffled off this mortal coil.