Hamlet at Elsinore

It looked extremely rocky for the Danish folk that year,
For their king lay in his bed, with poison in his ear,
While Gertrude and King Claudius feasted on their wedding cake,
Hamlet came from Wittenberg -- it must have been Spring break.

First Hamlet met Horatio, who told him what he feared,
But Horatio also warned that things were kind of weird,
Then he met Ophelia, fair but slightly kooky,
And then he met his father, in a manner rather spooky.

Marcellus told Horatio, "Things here sure do reek,"
So Hamlet soon decided that revenge was what he'd seek,
Then Hamlet said to no one, "To be or not to be,"
And then he told Ophelia to go to a nunnery.

Hamlet found some actors, with whom he could plot,
A play was soon presented, his uncle would be caught,
But Gertrude remained clueless, for info she did lack,
But King Claudius left in a huff and asked for his money back.

Hamlet called on Gertrude, but before the queen had spoke,
'Twas curtains for Polonius, whom Hamlet quickly poked,
So Hamlet went to England, against the princes wishes,
And then that poor Ophelia, played footsies with the fishes.

But Hamlet quickly left the ship, before some pirates knew,
That Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern fell for the switch-er-roo,
Hamlet returned to Elsinore, to a sight that he did dread,
For he found Ophelia's grave, and what's left of Yorrick's head.

Laertes challenged Hamlet, the queen was quite amused,
But in the ensuing melee, some equipment was confused,
"You may have won but we're both screwed," a pale Laertes said,
"You may have got more touches, but at least I beat the spread."

"Ack! This wine is cloying!" the queen let out a sob,
Then Hamlet turned King Claudius, into a shish-ka-bob,
And then Laertes passed away, and Hamlet did as well,
Then Fortinbras came traipsing in, looked around, said "What the hell?"

Oh one time in these Danish lands, mighty rulers reigned,
When sons and daughters could be heard, without going insane,
And one time mighty princes stood upon their native soil,
But there's no joy since Hamlet shuffled off this mortal coil.

Gandalf at the Bridge

It looked extremely rocky for the Elrond Nine that night,
They were in the Mines of Moria, and running out of light,
First Mordor turned to evil, and Sauron did the same,
'Twas time for a hero, and Gandalf was his name

There was ease in Gandalf's manner, there was calm in Gandalf's tone,
"No one knows we're in here, except Gollum, who's alone,
We'll be through these mines in no time, perhaps a day or two,"
And then they heard the sound of drums, and Frodo's sword turned blue.

"Have no fear," bold Gandalf said as he calmly raised his staff,
"I'll just chant some incantations," he uttered with a laugh,
But his voice was never heard, above the evil din,
And then the doors flew open, and a thousand orcs came in.

"Don't worry yet," brave Gandalf said as he gazed across the room,
"We'll be out of trouble, if we get past Kazak-Dum,"
But somewhere in the darkness, a balrog did appear,
And Gimli soiled his armor, and so did Boromir.

Oh somewhere in these mythic lands, evil never bodes,
Somewhere elves are prancing, with hobbits drunk as toads,
And somewhere maids are singing, and somewhere bold men boast,
But there's no hope for Middle-Earth, mighty Gandalf's turned to toast.